hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
