I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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