remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
