holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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