How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
