I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
