Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
