she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
