Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My dick has a subreddit
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
