Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
