now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
