so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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