I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
