My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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