Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
