I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
