It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
