a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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