I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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