even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
