Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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