You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My butt remains clenched, sir.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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