when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
