I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
