just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
