Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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