No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
