I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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