What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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