News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
