um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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