I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
