She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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