can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
