Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
