Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
