I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
