i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
