So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize