Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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