he thought i was a dude.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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