ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize