Do vagina's smell?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
