i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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