I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
