It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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