I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
