just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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