The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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