Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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