He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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