I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
