Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
