I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
