I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
one two three fourrrrnication!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
