are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
