i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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