My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
