A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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