I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
