I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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