sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
