I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
