I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you win again, gameday.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
