I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
