My room smells like vodka and shame
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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