Plan B is the new Plan A
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
