How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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