All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
