I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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