A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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