are you still at the devil's house?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
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