I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
