Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
