She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
