Sry I called you an 8
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Even my vagina gasped.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
