I looked at my own cervix.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize