She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
