Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
