My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
