Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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