she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
