I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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