Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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