i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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