HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize