I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
