Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
