she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
