i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
