ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
