First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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