Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
