C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
