It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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