I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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