I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
