i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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