She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
