i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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