The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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