you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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