Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
