"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
